The Cup

It was swift,  seconds before her body hits the floor like a  flour bag, full of something,  replete with nothing. I lingered around a few  minutes, circumspect. The house is clean, reminisce a pleasant redolent, a woman’s house. There was a vase about 6 feet away holding 3 purple orchids. Diagonally 5 feet was a small book case with only a few worth mention works: Shakespeare, Tolstoy, Dickens, Woof… I  arranged few objects to make it looks like a robbery. Chairs kicked, some jewelry and money confiscated. Meanwhile her lifeless body was still lying there, eyes opened, she was watching me I just knew, she was watching me from wherever the dead goes to, gazing me with those disgusted dead eyes   The blood  was copious, condensed around her like tide water. Her sweater soaked and the place reeks. I couldn’t stay any longer, felt sick up to my stomach so I ran , or maybe more generously  paced quickly out of the apartment.

Weeks passed but swear to God it felt like eternity. No food  passed my mouth taste right, every night the same nightmare: she mutilated me,  begged for mercy, but nothing save the static and algid expression. Scared the hell outta me. No doubt her apparition haunted me, and no doubt the she is vindictive. I tried to communicate, I did. Hired some psychic to do their magic loey foey, course I can see the lady was just faking it, wasn’t too good of an actress. I tried talking to her myself, apologized, condemned myself profusely, but nothing did get fixed. I felt her stares from the back of my skull. I could feel the algid breath on the back of my neck, her bloodied face, the sanguine sweater, the incarnadine skirt. I heard footsteps at night, light treads, creeping through the halls. At times a few knocks on the door,  sometimes the nightmare would be running through my head like a bad TV show.

Some ask if I have consulted a doctor, see a therapist. I did, couldn’t tell him everything but did come to his sessions. The son of a bitch did nothing, listened, watched his clock, extorted money like a god-damn crook. Told me I’m ok, nothing to be worried about, lots of rest and try to eat more. Like I haven’t tried that before. Course I quit his shit, did try another one though, a psychiatrist. The lady prescribed some anti-depressant, told me to use it daily. Nothing happened, the same things,  the anti-depressant was nauseating so I stopped.

Another fucking week swept by. Exhausted, vexed, and for the first time I think I know how it feels to be dead.  But if Death would just fucking take me away, it’d be ecstatic. No more pains, sorrow, exhaustion, and somewhere in the back of my mind I was imagining seeing her ghost after I died, that I could say a proper sorry, making a genuine apology. Maybe then her face would lighten up, maybe then she would smile. Maybe her face would be bloodied no more, and she’d find rest in wherever it is the dead goes to.

She stood outside my door, only a few feet beyond the bed. I woke up, terrified, but she was there. Bloodied, algid, expressionless. She looked at me, not beyond me like in my nightmares, but  at me. I came to her, we’re about the same height, funny how the minute detail hits my mind with alacrity.

                “I’m sorry” My voice hoarse and barely audible, like a kid.

She said nothing.

                “What I did to you…was…was wrong”

Nothing changed, she strayed her eyes to the bed behind me.

                “You shouldn’t have said that Chelsea, shouldn’t have. You know I love you don’t you? You know I really do, shouldn’t have said the shit you have said. You know Chelsea! You know” I screamed, still no change in expression.

                “I love you Chelsea” My knees hit the floor, I was crying, bawling like a little kid. Been a long time since I’ve cried like that.  Her hand laid on me, on my shoulder. The bloodied face gone, the sweater retuned to its original lilac. She was smiling now, face bright like the morning sun. Hair not soaked but soft and golden. I held her in me, embraced her, caress her. Time stopped, we kissed, my eyes were closed.

                “So you found the cause?”

                “Yes sir, he was bludgeoned by a heavy object, the motive pretty clear, look like a robbery, though not really certain”

                “The sonofabitch died in his sleep ja? Lucky him.” 

swagger-hound:

jaxtheripper13:

nutellaavenger:

yuunezu-nyan:

kuraila:

monstermanga:

…make me wanna cry

ねぇねぇ、by 追川うそ

forever reblogging

reblogando de nv ;A;

;A; AAAAAAA

Im really trying not to cry in my class right now . 

Always reblog

Anyone who watch the news know about the recent controversial HHS mandate. In a nutshell, the bill seeks to compel employers to provide preventive care for its employees. The problem? Religious institutions like the Catholic Church has a moral aversion to any kind of artificial contraceptive. Thus the passage of the bill would forces a moral dilemma on the Church’s moral position. Resolutions and compromises have been made, however leaders on both sides are unsatisfied.

As a practicing Catholic my position is clear from the start (Artificial Contraception? What the hell are you talking about?). However I’m not here to impose my Church’s dogma on others. I’m here to ask about the definition of medical necessity and whether or not artificial contraceptives qualified as such. 

Medical necessity can be defined as: “ a United States legal doctrine, related to activities which may be justified as reasonable, necessary, and/or appropriate, based on evidence-based clinical standards of care. (Wikipedia)”. According to the Illinois Department of Health, services and supplies not qualified for this definition includes:

• Inpatient hospitalizations for treatment that could be safely and adequately provided on an outpatient basis;
• Continued inpatient hospital care, when the patient’s medical symptoms and condition no longer required a continued stay in the hospital;
• Cosmetic surgery;
• Treatment provided for the convenience of the patient, such as an elective Caesarean Section;
• An advanced procedure or treatment provided without first trying less invasive, less expensive treatments.                                                                                                   

Artificial contraceptives, which goal is to provide responsibility free pleasure, belongs to point number 4, it is a supply provided for the convenience of the client. So with all technicality, artificial contraceptives should not be mandated. In fact, one gotta ponder why the government seeks to pass the bill at all, knowing fully well even without the mandate, men and women can get free artificial contraceptives free of charge (public clinics, schools…). Furthermore, is it constitutional for the government to pass such bill knowing it would impose a moral onus on many people who may differs from its ideology? For militant atheists and leftists who continuously remind us that having the phrase “one nation under God” is a violation to church state separation, they seem to neglect the simple truth that the constitution goes both way, and its justice is for all. In short, if it is imperative for religion to keeps its doctrines and beliefs out of the congress, it is equally true that the government must protect religion’s right to believe and worship. 

(Source: insurance.illinois.gov)

Is the most asked question. Not only do I receive these questions, I’m one of the askers and admit it, you and I are both curious about the future. It’s like a kind of investment that get us all so excited just to hear about it. It’s like getting to know your friends better, or get to catch of glimpse of your friend’s unfulfilled future. The prospect of such drives us mad and forces us to question each other “Who do you want to be?”

Truthfully, there shouldn’t be an answer. No one is a psychic and nobody posesses a perennial view of fate. In fact given the current situation don’t you think it’s serendipity that we can get to 40? What can happen in the duration between wherever you’re now and 40? Death by cancer? Accident? Natural disaster? A truculent blow in the head as your murderer slowly dump your body into some nearby river?

Uncertainty is frightening ain’t it, but as an optimist I’ll say at least life ain’t so bad with uncertainty. It let you dream does it not? It allows hope to live does it not? Most importantly maybe is the liberating power it allows that each of us may cast away worries for tomorrow, and embrace today, to live it like there’s no tomorrow, to enjoy in case you don’t make it to 40.